Elisabetta Canalis Date For Hire.This old Austrian billionaire might just be my hero. He just married that German blowup doll one-quarter his age to be his regular pecker wetter, but he’s still doling out the 500K paychecks to get celebrity chicks in low cut dresses to be his date to the big opera events. I don’t think he gets to old man pudge bang George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend, but a few gropes and titty touches are probably in the contract. It’s not assault if it’s listed in Exhibit B and you own the Vienna police force.
Pamela Anderson Going for the Gold.Seeing as how Pamela Anderson is financially triangulated somewhere between flat broke, dead broke, and, you’ll really give me $50 if I tug on that moose’s dick til it cums?, her soon to be ex husband is trying to get out ahead of spousal support requests. Rick Salomon hasn’t really worked a day since he pushed his way out of his mother’s vagina, but it turns out the man knows how to play Hold ‘Em.
To the tune of many millions of dollars in gambling earns. The saving grace of fat lazy men who don’t shave. Salomon’s lawyer is asking for an annulment to the marriage, claiming his client was tricked into the nuptials. Considering you’re a savvy card player and this isn’t even the first time you’ve married Anderson, that seems like a stretch. If the judge accepts ‘I was wasted off my ass and she was reverse cowgirling my cock and asking me to sign my name on some paper duct taped to her back’, he might have a thing. But most likely that thing is you’re now paying Pam Anderson’s Malibu rent money. Congratulations. Next time stick to Vegas hookers, they understand the arrangement.
Lindsay Lohan Reveals Her Virals.That slick disease Lindsay contracted from snorting crushed up mosquitos while doing her jet ski community service work in French Polynesia over the New Year’s holiday. Lohan’s lawyers will be in an L.A. courtroom next week arguing that their client really did work hard at her 30 days of ordered community service, even though there’s no specific or even non-specific proof. If the judge feels Lohan skipped out, he could choose to order her to appear in court and be scolded several more times and told how real punishment is coming if she doesn’t take this fake punishment more seriously. You don’t want the scolding. It makes the Chikunyunga nervous.
